Aged Parmigia-Oink

Aged a decade. We waited. You'll wait too.

$189.99 / wheel

Ten years ago, someone — probably Earl — left a wheel of pig milk cheese in the back of Barn Room 2 and forgot about it. We found it during an unrelated insurance inspection. It had become something else entirely.

Aged Parmigia-Oink is hard, crystalline, and shatters like granite under a proper cheese knife. The interior is dense with audible calcium-lactate crystals that crunch between your teeth, which our food scientist (a retired substitute teacher named Marge) assures us is 'definitely supposed to happen.'

Pairs with balsamic older than most of our employees, a long moment of silence, and the slow-dawning awareness that ten years is a very long time. Best shaved thin over pasta, regret, or the passage of time itself.